I’m a Crybaby Today!

I hope you don’t mind reading a tear-stained post.

I am crying right now…not sniffling, but crying, need to blow your nose crying.

I am crying for my friend who is fighting breast cancer.  I saw her yesterday at lunch where I had a healthy appetite, all my hair and both of my breasts.   She did not eat but left early to go to her radiation appointment.

My Husband died of colon cancer — get your colonoscopy— and still I feel as though I should have done more…I should have seen  it coming.  I should have saved him.   Kind of dumb as I am not an oncologist and feel faint around blood.  So, I am crying for him too.  For my sons who miss their Dad.

Cancer is often in the news…but I can attest to the fact that nothing prepares you for its onslaught.  I hate cancer.

So that my sons will not be orphans I had my colonoscopy a few weeks ago and my mammogram yesterday.  I pray for good results.  There was a time when I lived in such a black hole that a cancer diagnosis would have been a relief.  I would not have to maintain my charade of coping, getting it together, blah, blah, blah.  No more cheerful facades so that my family and friends could cross me off of their “people to worry about” list.

Do me a favor and watch this video.  My friend’s treatment is in the hands of these lovely people.

Pink Glove Video

Do me another favor and get your tests…mammogram, colonoscopy…whatever it takes.  Be healthy and live long for those who love you.

Mammogram

 

69 thoughts on “I’m a Crybaby Today!”

  2. Omg! My heart broke when I read about your husband. My good friend died of cancer the day after Mother’s Day last year, leaving behind her 2 girls. My mother has cancer right now… Cry as much as you want!!!

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    1. Thank you. Your words mean a lot to me. It was good to let the grief out. It is good to connect with others who understand and care. I am sorry about your friend and your Mother. It is hard. Lori

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  3. Oh, my, good reminders. I had polyps at my colonoscopy so have another in five years I think. The prep is icky but I will do it. And have to schedule my mammogram. Have had surgical biopsies for non- malignancies but lost my mom to breast cancer that had spread to her spine. It is a horrible, horrible thing and screening is so important. I’m so sorry for your loss and what your friend is going through. Everyone is entitled to bad days. So glad you’re doing well most of the time!

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    1. Hi, None of the procedures are fun but necessary so I applaud you for taking care of your health especially with your Mother’s breast cancer.
      I do feel pretty good most of the time…especially if I remember to take care of myself the way my Mother drilled into me. Plenty of sleep, water, healthy food, fresh air, etc.
      Thank you for your comments. Take care!

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  5. Cry as much as you want. It’s part of the road to healing. Cancer has been circling my life for the past five years. Yes keeping health checks in order is IMPORTANT. The scare of first breast then cancer in womb….wow….the dramas compounded by the deaths of two of my dearest friends with breast cancer (younger women).Then both parents. (ie not cancer…age related). The loss of your husband – grief must be expressed. All of life’s experiences can be used to encourage and help others. I grieve with you this am because I dodged major bullets ops appear to have worked. My health is A1 but I am slower than I once was. Why do I grieve and not rejoice in exultant life? Because I have personally seen and KNOW of the loss and sorrow of others. Thanks for sharing this blog. How can we really ‘stand’ alongside and care if we don’t know.? May every tear you are currently crying bring understanding and the promise of better to everyone you meet.

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      5. I discovered it in a article that argued that cancer is actually a different life form (or species) from regular human beings (obviously a type of parasite). Really a different way of looking at the disease / disorder.

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  11. My husband, Charley was diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer eight years ago. I write about it in some of my more serious posts. I am so sorry about your husband and your friend. Yes, your advice is sound and hopefully it will reach many people. If I were there with you I would put my arm around you while you cry. Take care.

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  13. My condolences on the loss of your husband. Sorry to hear about your friend as well. I have a dear friend who has been battling an aggressive cancer as well and we are hoping will be in remission soon. All the best to you and your loved ones.

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  14. I hope today finds you in better spirits; sometimes a big old messy cry really helps. My thoughts are with your friend; my mother beat breast cancer four times, though it never got any easier each time we heard it came back. It’s so hard not to feel guilty for our good health when someone we love is sick. You aren’t alone.

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    1. Thank You for checking in…I do feel better today. I put on some upbeat music, did a little housework and played with my dog so far. You are one “special bee”! Lori

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      2. I agree. Just listening and being with someone in their grief is often the best. Also, for me, once the worst has passed, being distracted with a walk or gardening often helps.

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  18. Thank you for being transparent Lori. I’m so sorry for your friend. It’s tough to see someone you care about go through pain. You want to rescue them, to make it all right. Wish we had the power to do that. Much as I dislike those colonoscopy’s and mamm’s, I will be getting mine this Spring. Great post…

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  19. Sometimes the only response we have available to us is to cry.
    I know the pain from where this post was written and I cry too – for you, your friend, and for those I have lost … far too many.

    Your closing message is a good one – get the tests. Don’t ignore any potential warning signs – do whatever it takes to stay healthy.

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      1. Yes, there’s a story. When I worked as a school counselor, I used to read a book to classes called The Jester Has Lost His Jingle written by David Salzman. The author had Hodgkin Lymphoma and died while in college. He wrote this story as a way of coping with his illness. A friend gave me the hat to wear when reading the book. I included the photo on my blog as way to remember to have fun, no matter what!

        Liked by 1 person

  21. Lori, I’m so sorry to hear about your friend’s cancer battle and the loss of your husband to cancer. It’s such a dreadful disease. Thank you for sharing the video it was so uplifting. I have a young family member who was just diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer and she’s begun chemo. We’re going to be walking in the Race for the Cure this year for her and others fighting the disease.

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  22. You go ahead and cry buckets as often as you feel the need to. My friend lost her husband to dementia two years ago and he had only just turned fifty. She kept herself busy and didn’t allow herself to grieve fully as she wanted to be ‘strong’ for her children. Now she’s suffering health problems because of all that pent up grief. I wish there was a hugs button on WordPress, but here’s a virtual one. {HUG}

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  23. Lori, this is a heartbreaking story. All the science and spirituality and grief groups can’t relieve the pain of losing family or friends, no matter the cause. Crying is sometimes the only response possible. But you’ll laugh again one day, and that’s part of the healing process. Memory and laughter, friends and family, and purpose for your life in a form that’s meaningful to you. I wish your friend well on her way to recovery. She’s lucky to have you.

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    1. Sharon, thank you for reading and for your kind words. It means a lot to me that you would take the time to respond in such a caring manner. I hope you have a wonderful day. Lori

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  24. I hate hate hate this disease. I’ve lost so many family members to different forms of cancer, and my baby sis is fighting it now. I personally have MS, something for which there really IS no cure, while I have worked for our public Health Department, and read reports of all the drugs they have on hold that WILL CURE CANCER RIGHT NOW, but won’t release to the public because cancer is a cash cow for the drug companies. Everything happens in the name of GREED, and the almighty dollar. Since cancer tends to “run” in families, I’m the rebel in mine, and have decided at my age, and with my already diminished quality of life because of the advanced MS, if I should develop cancer I’ll let it take its course, and accept only medication and moisture that will keep me comfortable, unless they release one of the drugs that offer a complete cure.

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    1. Yes, this is a horrible disease. I agree about the cash cow business. There is so much pain and suffering that cancer causes. I am sorry that you are dealing with MS. I will see you on your blog soon. Take care.

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  25. oh Lori, I come to you via “anotherfoodiblogger” post and I am sooo very sorry reading about all the sadness in your life. I too know what you are going through, I lost my first husband through cancer, friends on breast cancer and other friends on colon cancer.
    Although I am now very happily married to my second husband, he understands when I on certain occasions feel like crying – he is always there to comfort me and this is one reason why I do love him so much. So, take courage and look after yourself. PS – I follow you now.

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    1. What a sweet message. Thank you. I am sorry for your loss but am happy that you have found another wonderful husband. I look forward to sharing our posts/blogs. Take care!

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