Gatekeepers

One of my favorite sayings is this one.

The mouth should have three gatekeepers.

Is it true?

Is it kind?

Is it necessary?

Gate

Sticks & Stones

Words can hurt us deeply.

We heal from a broken arm faster and more completely than from a hurtful comment.

Unkind comments can damage our self-confidence, self-esteem and view of the world as a loving, caring, friendly place.

I recall things that were said to me growing up that were not kind or helpful..

Fortunately, I have dealt with them and let them go.

My ABC’s

Somewhere along the way I learned a technique that works for me.

I call it my “ABC” approach.

A.  I look objectively at the comment and determine its validity.

B.  I consider my initial response to the comment. I try to determine why it was upsetting.

C.  I determine my response and resolve to stick to it.

This doesn’t happen immediately.

Sometimes it takes days or even weeks to let something go.

It depends on what was said and who said it.

Sometimes, I give myself a deadline.  I tell myself, “You can stew about this until lunchtime and then you have to deal with it and let it go!”

I also strive to determine what part of my behavior  I may want or need to change.

As I matured, I learned

To take things with a grain of salt.

To give the person the benefit of the doubt.

To consider the source.

The Key Questions

The biggest help,though, has been to ask myself.

“Is this how you want to feel today?
Do you want to be miserable because of what someone said ? “

Obviously I don’t want to miserable.

Checking in with myself in this manner helps me to get back on track.

Emotions 2.0

I have updated and refined my skills in dealing with emotions in my life as a widow.

New situations often call for new approaches.

I am proud that I can work through things on my own.

Lessons I keep learning along the way.

 

 

8 thoughts on “Gatekeepers”

  1. Lori, this is an excellent post! It has good plans for dealing with hurtful things others may say, and it also makes us aware that we should be careful what we say to others, lest we hurt them. I really love this post. It should be put on a poster and hung in every person’s home, especially where kids can see it as they deal with so many emotional issues as they grow up.

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  2. Reblogged this on Lori Greer in Portland and commented:

    My mind must be playing tricks on me! I finished this post today. I hit publish but could not find it. The nice people at WP found it. However, it shows that it was published in April…what? Are the Russians hacking me too? I never knew I was so important!
    Enjoy!

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  5. I found the key was to look within myself. If I’ve reacted, then ‘I’ have a problem with it. Find the ‘why’, and in understanding it, it is naturally released.
    It’s like being afraid of being rejected in some way, I was always ‘on guard’ for it and reacted each time it happened. When I looked deeper it was what I felt was a rejection from my dad as a child, which I buried deep by trying to be everything for everyone with a false love so that I wouldn’t be rejected. But in truth, my very actions were creating it.
    Any woman that I was with eventually went ‘whoa, stop, your burying me’ because they could feel this ‘false’ attitude. Yes, I did love them, but with this ‘thing’ behind it, and it could be felt by others, even though they may not have realised what it was.
    Look deeper…understand the actions driving it…see the heart beneath it. It is only trying to protect itself from hurt…but it is ‘your’ hurt.
    Find the pain in whatever hurts you. Find what is that constant trigger, and go deeper inside. It is there waiting to be found…released in its understanding…and set you free 😀
    When I found and understood my fear, and let it go…the ‘let go’ and then following peace and calm was unbelievable. Your free…really free, and you begin to do something very foreign to this world…you begin to smile within…constantly. Simply because you are no longer holding the one thing that holds you back, the weight of those fears. And in doing so you also do the one thing that this world keeps at bay…to love and accept who you are.
    Those fears keep us in that mode of ‘I’m not good enough or I can’t do, or a constant barrage of ‘what if’s’ in our lives’. And then an event in our lives ask us to face them, see them for what they truly are…and allow you to let them go and be you…truly you ❤ 😀

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  6. Great post Lori. I agree with the quote wholeheartedly. Only getting older has helped me to slough off the criticisms and not let ‘stewing’ occur. Learn from all things but journey with peace and purpose. I will have to get WP to help me. My blog site seems to have frozen today. I see it but I simply cannot access it. I may not be a Russian hacker but I do think your posts are important! Cheers!

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  7. I also love this post. Am going to keep your ABC handy as a reminder. If one doesn’t have a system of dealing with things they will subconsciously bother you and spoil your life for an indefinite length of time. My father taught me the three gatekeepers to the mouth and I remind my family of those now and again….it can save a lot of hurt. ❤

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