Fine Tuning


Strong social support is one of the keys to happiness and good health. Making an effort to improve relationships with people already in your life is one way to increase your social support.”— Jeanne Graner Krochta, L.P.     Mayo Clinic

Photo from Karla Tolentino

I have an acquaintance whose hobby is collecting “friends”.

She is warm and friendly.  She has amusing conversations.

She flutters from one friend to another.

She undoubtedly has hundreds of Facebook friends.

She finds no lasting joy in friendship, only the excitement of making a new friend.

Or, rather, making an acquaintance.

She drives me insane.

She pesters me to make new friends.

“How fun it would be for you to meet some new people!”

“I have enough friends, thank you.”

“But you hang out with the same people over and over.  Don’t you get bored?”

“Not really because my friends are doing things, learning and experiencing life.”

“I would hate that…seeing the same people all the time.”

“Actually, I don’t see the same people all the time.”

“Yes, you do!”

“There you are mistaken.  The woman I talked with last month has since read a book, or gone on a trip, or tried her hand at gardening. She is not the same person.”


“Yes, whatever.”

She is starving

Over the years, I have realized that she longs for substance in her relationships.

Yet, she is blindsided by wanting to be popular, to be cool.

Our attempts at friendship have failed.

We are too different in our tastes, lifestyles and beliefs.

She is not a toxic person.

She tries to change me.

She drains me.

It doesn’t work

Our relationship does not work for either of us.

She pushes me in one direction.

I resist and try to push her in my direction.

So it has to end. Today.  My decision is made.

I will always wish the best for her.

I will continue to engage with her at social events.

But, that’s all.

I will gently distance myself from her.

I would have liked a different outcome.

I feel at peace.

Oil and water don’t mix.




13 thoughts on “Fine Tuning

  1. The woman I talked with last month has since read a book, or gone on a trip, or tried her hand at gardening. She is not the same person. – Wow I so loved this! And I loved and enjoyed your entire post. I am very much like you. And you are so right – oil and water don’t mix!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for this thought-provoking post. Yes indeed oil and water do not mix but they can integrate briefly. You can have hundreds of not-real friends on social media and a small handful of real friends of whom maybe only one or two are special BUT what touches the mind, the heart or a response of genuine caring for the other person constitutes a friendship for me. That’s why on word-press I have a few whose Blogs encourage and inspire me and I consider them (and you are one) friends sometimes with a deeper ‘connection’ than the ones who maybe flit into my life in the natural but we really don’t ‘connect’. Hugs and Peace to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. But you most certainly were made to look within yourself Lori to ‘see’ that you are happy as you are, just as she would have also done. The important bit is the questioning of self that gauges your heart.
    It may not seem so on the surface but each encounter, as you have said, is a different person than when you last met, and over time those changes become more apparent 😀
    Wise lady 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thank gawd I’m not the only one! My friends tease me for being grumpy when I cut off people like this woman. I just think it’s better to have a few good friends than many acquaintances. When I’m around people like that, my overwhelming feeling is that I’m there so they aren’t alone…not a bad thing overall, but I also find that whatever I invest in the friendship isn’t returned in kind. That gets old quickly!

    Liked by 1 person

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