Long before I decided to date again, I was warned about men who were looking for “a nurse and a purse”.
These are men who need to be supported for the rest of their lives and/or need a caretaker for the inevitable illness and infirmities of old age.
One of my friends was duped by such a man to the extent that she lost everything including the respect and affection of her daughter. It continues to be a tragedy.
Predatory people are everywhere and probably do their best work when they find a victim who is in a vulnerable state.
Widows who went from college to years of wedded life are particularly vulnerable.
We had husbands who took care of us.
We also do not suspect duplicity and take people at their word.
Having a positive view of life is a good trait. After all, a little paranoia goes a long way! But no one wants to be a victim.
What are the warning signals?
The first step to is to pay attention to what is happening.
As Maya Angelou said “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time”.
As you spend time with a person, you will learn about their belief system, their moods, their attitude and all of the other traits and beliefs that make up their personality.
Pay attention. Don’t let loneliness blind you to the situation.
Eyes wide open!
Trust your intuition.
You know how you want to be and how you deserve to be treated.
My parents taught me when I was young to respect myself and not feel pressured to “follow the crowd”.
I remember a turning point when I was dating one of the coolest guys in high school. He invited me to a party. Knowing there would be drinking there, I opted out.
It was a hard decision as I knew he would dump me. I dreaded the snickering when I walked down the hall at our high school. I knew he would not sit with me at lunch.
To my surpise and unbelievable joy, he told me that he respected my decision. He and I made plans for a fun evening without alcohol. We dated a long time and had a lot of fun during high school.
Back to dating the second time around.
Did I meet men who wanted “a nurse and a purse’?
I met a few men who were more than anxious to sell me insurance or other financial investments.
Some men were looking for a replacement wife which is another story.
I firmly and kindly moved them out of my life.
All in all, dating the second time around was interesting but mostly a waste of time.
A waste of time until I met….also another story!
Note to Men
In fairness to men, there are women on the dating scene who can be painted with the same brush!
*BMOC Big Man on Campus