Long before I decided to date again, I was warned about men who were looking for “a nurse and a purse”.
These are men who need to be supported for the rest of their lives and/or need a caretaker for the inevitable illness and infirmities of old age.
One of my friends was duped by such a man to the extent that she lost everything including the respect and affection of her daughter. It continues to be a tragedy.
Predatory people are everywhere and probably do their best work when they find a victim who is in a vulnerable state.
Widows who went from college to years of wedded life are particularly vulnerable.
We had husbands who took care of us.
We also do not suspect duplicity and take people at their word.
Having a positive view of life is a good trait. After all, a little paranoia goes a long way! But no one wants to be a victim.
What are the warning signals?
The first step to is to pay attention to what is happening.
As Maya Angelou said “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time”.
As you spend time with a person, you will learn about their belief system, their moods, their attitude and all of the other traits and beliefs that make up their personality.
Pay attention. Don’t let loneliness blind you to the situation.
Eyes wide open!
Trust your intuition.
You know how you want to be and how you deserve to be treated.
BMOC*
My parents taught me when I was young to respect myself and not feel pressured to “follow the crowd”.
I remember a turning point when I was dating one of the coolest guys in high school. He invited me to a party. Knowing there would be drinking there, I opted out.
It was a hard decision as I knew he would dump me. I dreaded the snickering when I walked down the hall at our high school. I knew he would not sit with me at lunch.
To my surpise and unbelievable joy, he told me that he respected my decision. He and I made plans for a fun evening without alcohol. We dated a long time and had a lot of fun during high school.
Don’t settle
Back to dating the second time around.
Did I meet men who wanted “a nurse and a purse’?
I met a few men who were more than anxious to sell me insurance or other financial investments.
Some men were looking for a replacement wife which is another story.
I firmly and kindly moved them out of my life.
All in all, dating the second time around was interesting but mostly a waste of time.
A waste of time until I met….also another story!
Note to Men
In fairness to men, there are women on the dating scene who can be painted with the same brush!
*BMOC Big Man on Campus
Lori Greer in Portland 
“Also Another Story” sounds interesting, too!
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Yes, “another story” sounds interesting 🙂
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Certainly in today’s world a man who shares 100% your belief system or indeed wants to journey with you together in looking for ‘Higher’ not in earthly temporary solutions for ‘loneliness’ but prepared to journey together to deal with the sorrows and trials of this world’s needs but letting the perspective be for eternity and not a just for ‘now’ gratification kind of life. TOGETHER.
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Great Blog. I am one of those very trusting women but somehow was able to find a good man at the age of 44 after my divorce. Thank God, it turned out wonderfully.
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Thank you. I am very trusting too and I think that’s a good quality. Great that you found a good man. Having the right partner can make life a lot better in my opinion!
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As Cat Stevens warned about 45 years ago ” Ooh Baby Baby it’s a wild world” !
I had not heard the term but boy does it make sense !
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Yes, it is a wild world. Dating,especially online, can be a minefield. I think it is important to take the time to really get to know a person. Happy Holidays, Lori
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My sister is one of those trustworthy women. She’s had nothing but bad men taking advantage of her, yet now she seems to have seen the light. I hope she takes her time and finds herself before she loses herself in yet another bad relationship.
Thanks for the warning, Lori! I am the opposite of my sister, I am too paranoid. But I know that when I’ll find someone right for me, he’ll be exactly that 🙂
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I think it is better to be cautious…bad relationships can really destroy one’s self-confidence. Dating is hard especially the second time around. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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I don’t know what the Universe is trying to tell me, but I’ve never heard this phrase before today. And now, you’re the second person to bring my attention to it in the space of just a few hours:). I hear you on all of it!
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Good to be aware. I learned a lot after my husband died. Another world!
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A friend of mine started dating again and it got to the point where she told the men she met at a cafe, “I don’t have money,” the minute she saw them. Some men turned and walked away. They didn’t even sit down and have coffee. She said most just wanted to know if she was a rich widow.
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I can relate to that. There are some con artists out there! Thanks for reading & commenting. Happy day to you. Lori
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My mother has went through this a few times. It’s so sad.
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It is sad and I am sure distressing for her family. Good luck !
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A few couple of the bits of wisdom that wise friends told me yet took time for me to learn: 1. Watch how people treat others, especially those who they don’t owe anything to or want anything from. 2. There is no substitute for time — getting to know someone for about 6 months before becoming truly serious — & for those of us who are honest with ourselves, sex usually makes things serious. 3. One is not looking for ‘all women/men,’ just the one who’s perfect for us, not perfect for everyone.
That said, Lori – do you mind if I ask what kind of writer you are? I still refer back to your post that I reblogged on your fab work habits 🙂
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Hello,
Thank you for reading and commenting.
As to the kind of writer I am. I like writing about my observations and life experiences.
I hope to take the best of my posts and make a small book.
I am still figuring it out.
Thank you for reblogging my post on my work habits.
Lori
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My pleasure! Good luck with your book 🙂
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Robert and I have been together for eight years after meeting online. I was 65 and he was 66 when we met. Before we met, I encountered my share of scammers online. As you say, Lori, be cautious! 🙂
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