Category: Uncategorized

Cancer

As a widow, I know the pain that comes with loss. 

I thought I was immune to the fear of death.  

Like the heroine of a Greek tragedy, I could bear the worst.  

Yet, when I was diagnosed with cancer, my stoic wall crumbled.

I was terrified.  I could not focus.  I could not settle down. 

This was Friday afternoon. Surgery was scheduled for Tuesday.

A long time away.

Over the weekend, I turned to the Internet to research my cancer. A big no-no. The information added to my agony. 

Surgery

The surgery went smoothly.

The wait for the results was  excruciating.

The days passed slowly.

My anxiety was through the roof.

I kept checking my phone for a missed call from my doctor.

When my doctor finally called to tell me that I was cancer-free, the relief was indescribable.

I could breathe again. I was giddy and thankful. Another chance!

And now

I  regret the time that I lost worrying and imagining the worst.

It’s easy to get caught up in fear, especially when death seems to be waiting in the next room. 

I hope to live in the present.

Life is too short to spend my days worrying.

My days are numbered. 

They always have been.  

Return of a friend

Over a year ago, my friend suddenly ghosted me.  

It was very painful as we had been close friends for over 20 years.  

My emails, calls and texts went unanswered.  

I had no idea what had happened.

Finally I stopped.  I moved on.  

Continue reading “Return of a friend” →

Perspective

“There are two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle.  The other is as though everything is a miracle.”   Einstein

I believe that this mindset helps us to live more creatively, fully and compassionately.

Just a thought.

My First Born

I could tell many stories about my first born.

This is one from the summer when he was 12 years old.

The start of summer.

That summer, he joined a year-round swim team.
He suffered from asthma and we thought swimming would be good for him.
We were right.

The end of summer.

By the end of the summer his breathing was much better. He did not have to use his inhaler as often. His wheezing was minimal. Also at the end of summer he swam in his first competitive meet. His event was the 500.
He was swimming against kids who had been in the program since they were 5 years old. Even though he was much better after taking lessons and practicing all summer, he was not as strong a swimmer as those kids.

They swam laps around him. They finished, exited the pool, and stood on the side watching him, now the only swimmer in the pool. The official stopped him and asked him if he wanted to quit.

My husband and I waited to see what he would do.

Without hesitation, he chose to finish the 500.
All of the other swimmers, the other parents and the officials waited while he swam back and forth across the pool.

The 500 is 100 yards freestyle, 100 yards backstroke, 100 yards butterfly stroke and 100 breaststroke. A really good swimmer can swim it in under ten minutes. He took about 30 minutes to complete all of the twenty laps.

He did not take home any medals that day, but he was a champion in our eyes.

He swam competitively for six years and earned many swimming and diving medals. His asthma was no longer an issue.

The story today.

He now is the father of a 12-year old son who is following in his path as a swimmer. My grandson has mastered all of the strokes and is doing well. He has not yet competed against other swimmers in a meet.

How he swims under the pressure of competition remains to be seen. I am confident that he will be a champion in the things that matter.


Crossing the finish line

I am so close to resolving my window shade problem.

For several months, I battled Hunter Douglas and Home Depot for replacement of defective shades.

Four of the five shades fell apart and could not be repaired.

I paid a workman to take them down and bought temporary paper shades to cover my windows and protect my furniture and hardwood floors from the blazing sun.

So, instead of custom shades from Hunter Douglas in my living room, I had paper shades. Really sad!

Continue reading “Crossing the finish line” →

Love Hate

I have a love/hate relationship with this tree.

It frames the window of my office and brings me joy all year long.    

In spring, soft green buds appear.

In summer, the leaves are a rich green.  

Fall brings leaves that are gold, yellow and orange.  

Even in winter when the leaves are gone, the bare branches offer a lacy pattern against the daily gray skies.  

So, what’s the problem?

Everyday, for what seems like weeks on end, I sweep and rake the fallen leaves.  

I go out at first light, often in the  rain.  

I clean up the leaves knowing that I will repeat this the next day and the day after that until all the leaves have fallen.  

Like many beautiful things, there is a price to pay.  

In this case, well worth it.   

Ned Ludd

A friend sent me this post from Eater Portland.

One of Portland’s leaders in the hyper-local movement, Ned Ludd officially announced its closure in September. “Bittersweet to say goodbye to the last 13 years of wood fired fun, farm driven fare and all the culinary adventures this little space on MLK brought me,” owner and chef Jason French wrote in an Instagram post. “I’m the man I want to be, the husband and father I’ve imagined since my youth and the chef I’ve dreamed of since 1986.”

I was sad to learn that another unique and Portland restaurant had closed. Locally sourced food, an involved owner and chef, Ned Ludd had a presence and a story as well as excellent food beautifully served.

My friends and I miss Ned Ludd.

One Saturday in May

Slow start this morning.

Slept in until 8.  Unusual for me.

Now on my second cup of coffee.

Cloudy skies, cold and damp outside. 

My dog is sleeping by the fire.

This could be a dreary day.

I can’t give in.  

My antidote

Turn on lights,

Tune into some happy, upbeat music.

Do little household projects to get moving.

Dust and water inside plants.

Text my sons.

Text my friends. 

Send a thank you note to the emergency clinic staff who saved my dog’s life.  

Send a thank you note to my two new doctors who are taking excellent care of me.  

Play with my dog.

Gather my art materials and create a masterpiece. 🙂

Wow!   So many ways to feel happy, connected and creative.  

It’s amazing— just writing this post energized me.  

Happy day to my blogging buddies! What are you doing today?

~Lori

Kindness from a stranger

It’s funny how you remember people. 

Take Linda.

I thought of her today.

She is not a friend, a neighbor, not  even an acquaintance. 

Her number is not in my phone.

I don’t know what she looks like, who her children are, if any.

She is a random person in my life from years ago. 

I had one encounter with her. 

I don’t remember where it was.

I  remember the day.*

I remember her talking to me. 

I did not answer.  I may have nodded.  I’m not sure.

My head hurt.  

I felt weightless. There was nothing tying me to earth. 

Her words came from a distance.  

You have  tough times ahead. You must take care of yourself.

Over the years I have often remembered her words. 

Unsolicited, barely acknowledged,

Granting  permission to rest a bit, 

To give up being in charge, in control, always needing a plan.

She reached out to a stranger in pain, in shock.

I am grateful.

~Lori

*The day I  learned my Husband had a year left to live.  In writing this post I wondered what made me think of Linda. Then I realized, tomorrow is his birthday.

Giving thanks…

Mid-morning last Thursday I tested positive for COVID.

Immediately, my healthcare system (Legacy) kicked into gear with amazing results.

A nurse called to talk about treatment.

I opted for the drug Paxlovid from Pfizer.

Next was a call from a pharmacist from the hospital.

We had a lengthy interview to review the side effects.

Then, he placed the prescription at the only drugstore near me that had the medicine.

Within minutes, the drugstore called to tell me the drug was ready for pick up.

My friend picked it up and I started treatment right away.

If you have ever worked with the medical system in the US, you know that it is generally slow with lots of waiting around. Not this time, not with COVID.

Happy news….my symptoms improved within 24 hours. I took three pills twice daily for five days.

The only side effect was a bitter taste in my mouth. Eating fresh fruit helped. It reminded me that my late Husband experienced a bitter taste after chemotherapy. Chilled, canned fruit in heavy syrup, something he would never have eaten before cancer, alleviated the yucky taste.

Today, I feel so much better and am planning to resume my normal activities.

Thank you Legacy Healthcare!

Thank you to the scientists who developed the tests, vaccinations and treatments.

Thus ends my COVID story.

Except…

Our job as a nation is to continue to send COVID tests, vaccinations and treatments to nations not as fortunate as we are.