Deer in the Headlights



Here we are in December!

These are my last “free” days before the fluster and flurry of the holidays begin.

I need to make plans so that I will be organized and ready to enjoy the holidays.

Yet, I am like a deer frozen in the headlights. I can’t seem to turn away from the bright glare of the holidays staring me in the face.

I am panicked thinking of all of the endless tasks required. Cards to buy, address and mail. Gifts to buy and mail. Cleaning and decorating my house. Buying and preparing food.

I feel like saying “bah humbug” and letting it all go. Why not check into a spa for a few days?

Christmas is in one’s heart.

Many years ago, when my Husband and I moved to Spain I was tempted to forego Christmas. I was young and homesick.  We ended up with a tiny tree which added a bit of cheer to our small apartment. On Christmas Day, my husband and I ate paella and went to a bullfight. Ole & Feliz Navidad!

Another time, we were on a ski vacation in Switzerland.  The small hotel where my husband and I were staying closed for Christmas Day meals so that the staff could enjoy Christmas Day with their families.  We went swimming at the Swiss version of the “Y” and had pizza for our Christmas dinner. The restaurant owner gave us ashtrays to commemorate our Christmas Day.

Lesson learned…Christmas is about more than location and tinsel.

My heart will be merry and bright!

In Portland as a widow, I have “skipped Christmas” often. It made me feel disconnected and sad.

So now I decorate. It is wonderful to come home to beautiful Christmas decor.

My Christmas decor is “decorator” perfect. No Popsicle sticks or other ornaments made by sons’ precious little fingers.  Those days, like my dear Husband, are gone.

The bottom line is that I want and need a Hallmark Christmas.

That would be the miracle of Christmas for me.

So I promise:

I will organize all my tasks using Google spreadsheets, shop online for gifts and send Evites to invite people to share the holidays with me.

I will order food from St. Honore, Elephant’s, Nicoletta’s Table and Nola Doughnuts.

I will invite people to come over. I will attend parties and dinners.

I will play Christmas music on Pandora.

On Christmas Day,

I will attend church and sing Christmas carols.  I will remember the meaning of Christmas.

I will come home to an excellent quiche, good wine and decadent dark chocolate.

I will read a good book in front of my fireplace, all cozy and warm.

I will be merry and bright.

I will have a glad heart.

I will give thanks for my blessings.


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31 thoughts on “Deer in the Headlights

  1. This is such a heartwarming post, Lori. Given all that’s happened, especially that you celebrate without your beloved husband by your side, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were bitter and angry with the world. You are instead an inspiration for all of us. To appreciate your blessings and share them with everyone is indeed part of the message of this season. Happy Holidays, Lori.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. And… you’re an inspiration:). Struggling with a miserable family situation just now – and the temptation is to retreat and batten down the hatches and ignore the seasonal festivities and nurse our hurt. BUT we’re not going to – and your post has helped buoy up my determination to celebrate and immerse ourselves in all the little chores and have the best Christmas we can!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It is a state of mind isn’t it? For so many, the holidays are stressful because things aren’t the way they dreamed about for themselves. Time to think positively and do what makes you happy just like you are. There is nothing like some sparkling lights to make you smile and reflect on blessings that you do have. A very merry Christmas to you and yours, and I hope it is a great book. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thank you for this beautiful post. No look forward with joy to a NEW Christmas celebration with NEW Christmas memories to forge. A few years ago I knew that if I let the ‘missing ones’ take from the present what they would have wanted for my life would be destroyed. The Reason for the Season goes way beyond the temporal. May you indeed forge NEW MEMORIES and have a truly BLESSED time in whatever way you determine. Love F.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. And all those that matter are still there in your heart Lori, and always will be. Now share you with them…what do you really want for Christmas? Share you somewhere, sometime, someplace…and be that truth. In doing this it is loving yourself more than any other thing on this earth can. The more you can do that, the more at peace within you will be.
    Yes, it will make you cry to touch that within, but in doing that you are being your truth by expressing exactly how you feel, and not ‘holding it in’, and making yourself feel badly.
    Christmas is a chance to touch that connection, your connection within which in turn connects with love to all around, regardless of who they are. Be you, and the love will follow like the sunrise, each and every day, and with a beauty like nothing else.
    Merry Christmas Lori! With much love from ‘downunder’ 😀 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  6. love your post…..I wasn’t going to decorate, but decided a mini tree and bulbs on a gold leaf would do….added a few red snowflakes here and there and woola I have Christmas spirit in my house….I live with a Grinch….its just another day to him….but he rolls his eyes and keeps his mouth shut as I put a splash of Christmas here and there….I love your outline for a wonderful Christmas, and in Portland you will probably have snow!!! Down here we will have sun…LOL feels more like spring than fall….Your December sounds like your going to have a wonderful month…..Happy Holidays Fa La La- La Laaaaa……Tis the Season my friend…xxxkat

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Regardless of the weather, I hope that your holidays are special. It is nice that you are decorating your home…the heart wants what it wants! Happy Holidays, Hugs, Lori


      1. I can ony wish it was snowing…shhhh don’t tell anyone down here I said that…LOL hard to get in the holiday spirit in really warm weather….we are having a very nice holiday season….hugs right back at you…..xxxxkat

        Liked by 1 person

  7. What a beautiful journey through Christmas. Crescendoing with each line. Inspiring. I miss the days of Christmas when I could get out of bed and visit family and friends. But, whether healthy or not, Christmas for many of us dwells in the heart with an exquisite spiritual meaning. So, I too will count my many blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

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