If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough. Meister Eckhart 1260-1328 Christian Theologian
I am currently the daily caretaker for my terminally-ill daughter in law.
She is at home in hospice care.
Our days go on mostly unchanged.
There was a new nurse today at my doctor’s office.
She was young and eager to please.
She had trouble taking my blood pressure.
I didn’t mind, but she was flustered.
She succeeded the second time.
She was pleased, then puzzled and then upset to see me in tears…
Of course, it had nothing to do with her…
It’s just that she was young. Continue reading “An Encounter”
“When you are in the midst of a fog and can’t see the shoreline, you need a compass. Reach out to a trusted friend or adviser for perspective. People are not hard-wired to go it alone. They need others to survive and thrive.” — Edward T. Creagan, M.D. Mayo Clinic
I am fighting the fog that has descended ever since my daughter-in-law entered hospice care a few days ago.
I am thankful to friends, family and neighbors who are helping me to bear the pain.
I grieve for her stuck down by this terrible disease at such a young age.
I grieve for her husband, my son, as he watches his family torn apart.
I grieve for their toddler who will not have her mother as she grows up.
There will be happiness again one day, but, for now, we are struggling to keep the shore in sight.
The pop up on my smartphone was timely.
“Reach out to a friend” was the reminder from Google that I programmed a few months ago. Continue reading “A Google Prompt”
The day of my husband’s funeral the sun was shining.
The sky was blue with little wisps of clouds.
The air was crisp.
It was a beautiful day.
With apologies to Charles Dickens.
In many ways, 2017 was the best of times for me.
Then in the last eight months, it was the worst of times bringing terrible grief.
Now on the last day of 2017, I am looking forward with guarded optimism to 2018.
It’s been a long, busy, emotional week.
It’s time for rest.
I was never guaranteed anything in this world.
I did not realize that until life taught me otherwise.
My life has gone in directions I never dreamed possible.
Directions I wanted and some I never wanted.
Some were so wonderful.
Some were so painful.
All of them made me a better and sometimes sadder person.
My daughter in law has been in the hospital for several days enduring tests and procedures to determine the cause of her illness.
In the meantime, I have been taking care of eight-month old Mabel and walking and praying.
Strangers always stop to comment on how cute Mabel is.
Now strangers stop to comfort her Grandmother (me).
This is so hard.
It is hell all over again for my son and me.
It is hell for all of our family.
Waiting. Anxious. Hoping for the best.
We received an answer. Continue reading “A Special Hell”