Don’t Blame Other People

Everything I have ever done as your Mother was out of love for you.

I made mistakes but they were unintentional.  

I have always wanted what was good and right for you.  

I am sorry if that was not enough.  I am sorry if I disappointed you.

I am sorry if I was not the Mother that you thought I should be.   

However, I know that I did my best.

This was my manifesto to my teenage son and my release from feeling guilty.

It changed the dynamics of how we related to each other.

Blaming parents…such an old game.  

Such a fruitless game.  

 

Mother, How could you?

For years I was angry with my Mother for how I felt she had failed me.

Now, as an older person, I have more compassion for her.  

She was the best mother that she knew how to be.

Her lot as a single mother raising three young children was not easy.

She never abandoned us.  She did the best she could to provide for us.

 

Door to Door Salesman

Once, even though she could not afford it, she bought a set of World Book Encyclopedia.  To this day, I curse the salesman who enticed her to buy it. I remember how he played on her guilt and her anxiety about giving us the best opportunity in life.  

I loved World Book Encyclopedia and read it from cover to cover…I really did.  

Thank you Mom for getting that for us.  

 

There was no fooling Jacob

Somewhere along the way I let go of my anger toward my Mother and other persons in my youth who I felt had failed me. Thank you, Jacob.

Jacob was my friend and my mentor.  He listened to my childhood woes, sympathized with me and then asked, “OK, now what are you going to do with your life?”

He did not let me off the hook.  Blaming my Mother, blaming others did not work in his book.

I can still see his face staring hard at me.  There was no place to hide.

I had to take responsibility for life going forward.  

 

They are wolves because we are sheep. *

So, I learned early not to blame others.  That is not to say that I did not fall into that trap at various points in my life.  

Whenever I blamed others I had to stop and admit that I had granted them the power to influence my decisions and to direct my actions.  I gave them the power to run my life.

I realized that blaming others was a cheap shot when I did not take responsibility for my own actions.

 

Code for Life

Thoughts written in response to George H. W. Bush Code for Life as shared by Jon Meacham in his eulogy for President Bush.

  1. Tell the truth.
  2. Don’t blame people.
  3. Be strong.
  4. Do your best.
  5. Try hard.
  6. Forgive.
  7. Stay the course.

11 thoughts on “Don’t Blame Other People

  1. So true! Too many people today blame their problems on others. I have a favorite saying when someone blames me for something that I did not do: “I refuse to take the blame for anyone else’s mistakes except my own!” I’ve had to repeat this several times in one conversation at times, but it usually shuts the other person up eventually! This happened way too frequently while working as a med-surg nurse in a hospital setting, but it helped me keep my perspective when faced with difficult people.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I sometimes wonder whether, if we praised and reinforced the positive behaviour in children, they would not be so afraid of accepting failure. It seems that a lot of shifting the blame onto others co es from not having a framework to handle and learn from our mistakes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree. All of us need to accept failure as part of life…we are never immune from it.. Plus, it can teach us and help be stronger and more resourceful people. Thanks for reading and commenting. Have a lovely day!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. One of the best articles about coming to terms with the pain of our past and understanding that our parents truly did the very best they could under circumstances we didn’t grasp or understand. Thank you for reminding me to forgive my mother and appreciate what she accomplished – and hoping my children will forgive me.

    Liked by 1 person

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