Who I Am & Why I Am Here…

I often feel as though my life has been lived as a subset of someone else’s life.  Not that it was not good. It was so good in so many ways. Good to be a wife, a mother, a sister, an employee. Now, it is different as a widow, as a person who is not accountable to anyone. There is great freedom in being alone but also great loneliness and much sadness.

So I turned to writing to fill the void.  It was like visiting an old friend with whom I could share everything.  I have written my entire life.  I have received accolades.  I have been published.  I never took it to the next level.  I did not have the confidence…the know-how.

Now is my time. I am entering into my stride as a woman and I have something to say. About being a widow…left in the darkness that no light could penetrate.  About learning to cope when all I wanted to do was curl up and go to sleep.

I am stronger than I ever thought possible. I set goals. I listed tasks. I accomplished them. This is me.  A person who refuses to give in.  I have made a new life.  It is not the life I planned but it works and I am happy.  I have much for which I am grateful.  I have much to learn.

Writing is a way to express my thoughts, to celebrate living, to learn about others’ lives, to share the journey with others and, hopefully, to contribute to others.

“If we live good lives, the times are also good.  As we are, such are the times.” St. Augustine.

“‘Win the Day’ former Oregon coach Chip Kelly’s mantra for the Oregon Ducks football team:  to take care of what you can control today instead of looking down the road too often; to treat every game like it’s the National Championship.” Urban Dictionary

134 thoughts on “Who I Am & Why I Am Here…”

  1. I find it so inspiring that in your tags list, you have the word widow next to “win the day.” I think that says it all for where you are setting your sites in your life right now. “A person refusing to give in.”

    I’m very sorry for your loss.

    Thankful to have found your page.
    Peace.

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  2. Hi, I’ve seen that you followed my blog retetepreferate.wordpress.com. it appears the follow me button because I migrate all my followers to booksandlavender.com .

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  4. Those two questions wrapped in one: Who am I and why am I here? These are questions I’ve asked, and after some years of searching/reflecting have answered. I think every human has these questions at one time or another. I believe life is a journey designed to answer them.
    If I may, here is a post devoted to these same questions. I’d love to hear your comments on it. http://80insights.com/2015/12/01/life-purpose-do-i-have-one-how-to-find-it/

    Jerry

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  7. Though this isn’t the first of your postings that’s struck a chord with me, the question ‘who are you’ is such an interesting one. In life, I’ve found myself answering it with the name of my profession, or in relation to my family. I wonder if that’s strictly a female thing, or if men do something similar. I’ve noticed it a lot with women. It wasn’t really until I started blogging, and had to come up with things like an ‘about’ page, or blurbs for social media, that I realized it was incredibly difficult for me to sum up ‘who I am’ without those outside references.

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    1. I think for both men and women much of our identity is defined by our roles in life. Some men fall apart once they retire because they measure their self worth, value to society etc by their careers. I think we miss so much of others and ourselves when we think only in these terms.
      Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. Lori

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  8. Who am I? What an honest blog. Thank you. I am not a widow but have many widow in the World-wide connection I have with women. Yes, men too identify with their professions. Retirement and bereavement indeed shake us all up. You quoted St Augustus. He also wrote…Miracles are not contrary to nature, but only contrary to what we know about nature. I personally believe that if you find your identity at a higher level than your ‘earthly’ pursuits you will find indeed something that will never be eroded. (Widows who trust and Hope in God are honored and their lives have infinite value. He is Father to the fatherless and husband to the widow). In 2016 I asked the same question and like you wrote……. http://www.fayeroots.com is where I spelt it out. Its relatively private but Lori KNOW THIS…I passionately believe that you as you have the potential to make a difference in the world.

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  10. Indeed, life is full of surprises; and, sometimes we truly are not given a choice in the matter, we just have to learn to cope; which you seem to be doing extremely well. I certainly learned from your wisdom. Thank you for your delightful post. Have a wonderful day.

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  13. Lori, you are a strong woman and an encouragement. Thank you for being transparent. I believe that you are exactly where you are meant to be right now. Life has it’s mysterious ways of unfolding…one day at a time.

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  14. Hey Lori, this is such an inspiring post. I can’t and i won’t pretend to know how you feel but id say your definitely headed in the direction reinventing yourself and finding new purpose. I will look out for more of your posts, and thank you for the follow 🙂

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  15. I am so glad to meet you, Lori. I don’t know how you came across my post, but I’m delighted you did. Clearly, you are a good writer. I look forward to browsing through your posts. See ya soon!

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  18. What a beautiful “about” and a beautiful blog. I’m so happy to have found your site; I see a lot of strength and elegance in you and your writing and I’ve only just begun to read 🙂 thanks for the follow, and I look forward to seeing your posts in the ol’ “reader” !

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  19. Hi Lori,

    The purpose for my life has puzzled me for years. Because I always tried to find it outside of myself.
    You sharing your experience will help others. That is a purpose that comes from above through your writing.

    I’m glad we connected,
    Vernon

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  20. I think you’ve dealt with your loss in the best way possible, really – but there’s always that hole there, I guess, where the person you loved most is supposed to go. Still, good on you for your achievements and positive attitude.

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  21. Good for you, for carrying on and not letting yourself become too daunted by re-building. Hope you’re enjoying Portland; it looks beautiful (never been, but I watch a lot of programs involving travel and the Pacific Northwest). A new chapter doesn’t have to mean the end of what happened in the previous chapters. Nor does it have to lead to the conclusion of your own story. Keep at it!

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    1. You are right. It is not an end it is a process of building on the former. The Pacific NW is incredible. Getting crowded and expensive as more people move here. Come for a visit in July or August when the weather is fantastic. Thanks for your kind and helpful comments. Lori

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  22. If you can answer just one of: “who am I” and “why am I here” then you are doing very well indeed. Thank you for following me and I look forward to reading more about you in the future. Keep positive, keep smiling, and accept the odd hug from good friends now and then.

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  23. I’m sorry for your loss. It must be a truly difficult time. It’s good that you’ve turned to writing to let your thoughts flow. I’ve found writing to be liberating. Wishing you all the luck that you’d need to start a new phase in your life.

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  24. It’s very nice to meet you here in the blogosphere, Lori. You sound like an amazing lady and I’m looking forward to reading more about your life and getting to know you.

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  26. I hear a peace and an acceptance in your words. I find you inspiring! Thank you for visiting and following my little corner of the world. I’m so looking forward to reading more of your writing. I am so sorry for your loss. Wishing you all the best, Linda.

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  27. This has to be one of the best “About Me” pages I have ever read. There is so much to learn from and admire in your approach your life. (My condolences for your loss.) All of which makes me so glad you found my blog so that I could discover yours in return. I look forward to visiting often!

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    1. Thank you for your kind words. Lifted my spirits. Writing grounds me and makes me more thoughtful about my existence. Then when some nice person (like you) likes what I have written, that is wonderful. Again, thank you. I will see you at your blog! Cheers, Lori

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  28. Wow! I am glad that we connected! I love your “about.” It kinda reminds me of my own life. I have always been a writer of sorts! But I never really had time to pursue it.

    I understand the darkness of losing a loved one. My dear mother passed away about three years ago after an extended illness.

    By the way, I am also a mother of two and a wife.

    I applaud your move toward realizing your dreams! I feel you!

    Let’s do this!

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    1. Sorry that I did not respond right away to your kind reply. I was super busy. I think we are kindred souls on a similar journey. Boys? Girls? or both? I am going to bookmark your blog so I can find it easily in WP land. Happy Friday!!

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  31. Good for you — it is always when we are most tested that we also have the greatest opportunity to discover our strength. But … we have to be willing to take on the challenge, and obviously you rose to the occasion. So, bravo. (And thank you for following my blog.)

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  32. Your post struck a chord deep within me. I feel that our trials in life force us to grow in a way we would never have thought possible. It is wonderful to see the light that you are bringing out to the world from the darkness that you have had to go through. God bless you Lori. Wishing you much love in your journey…

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  33. I wonder at times what it will be like to be alone. Deep in my heart I know the day will come. My husband is not ill, he is just convinced he will die first. And that being the case, he will. I know I will be OK – I think I will find great solace and wisdom in your words. Thank you for bringing me to your place 🙂

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    1. Thank you. Being alone after a long marriage brings a roller coaster of emotions. You will be OK…finding strength and solace in many ways never imagined. I am glad that my writing may help in some small way. Lori

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      1. Yes, I’m sure that’s the case Lori. I suppose I have been given time to prepare. Who knows when or where. We have been married for 43 years so far.

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  38. Lori, it’s such a pleasure to meet you. Thanks for sharing your journey with us all. One of my dear friends is a widow. I’ve watched her grow over the past eight years. Her kids are practically grown, and she has found love again.

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      1. You are most welcome…I thank you too!!
        Again I am looking forward to this friendship growing…
        Thank you again and a Happy Monday from Texas where it seems like the rain is never going to end…..

        Liked by 1 person

  40. Your ‘About’ reads of a strong person, who I can relate to and learn from. Thank you for following my blog, I will certainly take time to visit yours as well. I hope your day is a happy one! 🙂

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  44. So sorry to hear of your loss. It is such a brave thing to write about such a personal experience on your blog and share with others. But I am so glad you have found an outlet for your loss. Glad you followed my blog so I could return the favour. 🙂

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  45. Wow, I have the same view reading this as many of these wonderful comments. I especially love the lines “I have made a new life. It is not the life I planned but it works and I am happy. I have much for which I am grateful. I have much to learn.”
    I think so many people get stuck in their life (especially when something happens that is out of their control) and don’t realize that the change they need is within themselves. It might be scary and unknown to try something different, or take charge instead of following, but its so rewarding to make your own mistakes and learn from them, it always makes for a stronger character.
    Love your blog!

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  46. I’m so sorry on your loss Lori. I’ve only just discovered your blog, but I can see that you are an amazing woman with an emotional strength that comes through loud and clear. You have a wonderful blog. I’m looking forward to following your posts.

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  47. Who I Am & Why I Am Here…
    You have done justice here.
    But has luck done justice is the question; your loss I mean.
    But the courage one has after the death of their Husband is simply great, as I have seen many women coming out of their hibernation. So, the world teaches.
    I only wish you the best of days for YOU Lori!
    See you again.
    Shiva

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  50. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I do hope that your blog will bring you a place to feel able to express your feelings and creativity. In my experience I have had so much support from the blogging community, and I expect this is your experience too.

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