One of my favorite sayings is this one.
The mouth should have three gatekeepers.
Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
Sticks & Stones
Words can hurt us deeply.
We heal from a broken arm faster and more completely than from a hurtful comment.
Unkind comments can damage our self-confidence, self-esteem and view of the world as a loving, caring, friendly place.
I recall things that were said to me growing up that were not kind or helpful..
Fortunately, I have dealt with them and let them go.
Somewhere along the way I learned a technique that works for me.
I call it my “ABC” approach.
A. I look objectively at the comment and determine its validity.
B. I consider my initial response to the comment. I try to determine why it was upsetting.
C. I determine my response and resolve to stick to it.
This doesn’t happen immediately.
Sometimes it takes days or even weeks to let something go.
It depends on what was said and who said it.
Sometimes, I give myself a deadline. I tell myself, “You can stew about this until lunchtime and then you have to deal with it and let it go!”
I also strive to determine what part of my behavior I may want or need to change.
As I matured, I learned
To take things with a grain of salt.
To give the person the benefit of the doubt.
To consider the source.
The Key Questions
The biggest help,though, has been to ask myself.
“Is this how you want to feel today?
Do you want to be miserable because of what someone said ? “
Obviously I don’t want to miserable.
Checking in with myself in this manner helps me to get back on track.
I have updated and refined my skills in dealing with emotions in my life as a widow.
New situations often call for new approaches.
I am proud that I can work through things on my own.
Lessons I keep learning along the way.