I woke up early. I did not want to get up but I did convincing myself that I would feel even worse staying in bed.
I forced myself to dress, go downstairs, make a cup of coffee, drink some water and sit by the fire for a few minutes. This routine is how I start most of my days and have for years.
This is my comfortable “rut”.
I am struggling.
My son’s wife is terminally ill. They have a toddler. Grief is a faucet dripping water on my head all day long. I worry. I mourn. I fret. I try but I can’t find a solution, a way out, an answer. I’m the parent. It’s my job to solve this, to take care of my children.
This morning, rather than listening to the news, I opted for Pandora’s classical relaxation station. When I listen to a station on Pandora, I never know what songs I will hear. I hit the jackpot today with three selections that Pandora aired.
First was Fur Elise. I loved learning to play this on the piano. I felt a direct connection with Beethoven. Playing his music was so much more intimate that listening to it. When I was learning to play Fur Elise I bought two copies of the sheet music. One for notations such as fingering. The other was to keep clean and just have on the piano.
Second was Canon in D Major by Pachelbel. I worked hard to learn this lovely piece. I practiced for months before I played it at a recital. On recital day, I opened the music to see that my friend Mary had stapled a note to the front wishing me good luck. The note is still attached.
Third was the theme from Mozart’s Piano Concerto #21 also known as the theme from the movie Elvira Madigan. It is a sad and sweet story of doomed love in the 1850’s in Denmark. It is based real life events.
Hearing these three beautiful pieces of music was random, a result of the programming at Pandora. There was no “invisible hand” at work. Yet, hearing them in a row transported me to a place of happier times. I was back in my living room playing the piano.
Troubles and sadness were so far away.