As a widow, I know the pain that comes with loss.
I thought I was immune to the fear of death.
Like the heroine of a Greek tragedy, I could bear the worst.
Yet, when I was diagnosed with cancer, my stoic wall crumbled.
I was terrified. I could not focus. I could not settle down.
This was Friday afternoon. Surgery was scheduled for Tuesday.
A long time away.
Over the weekend, I turned to the Internet to research my cancer. A big no-no. The information added to my agony.
Surgery
The surgery went smoothly.
The wait for the results was excruciating.
The days passed slowly.
My anxiety was through the roof.
I kept checking my phone for a missed call from my doctor.
When my doctor finally called to tell me that I was cancer-free, the relief was indescribable.
I could breathe again. I was giddy and thankful. Another chance!
And now
I regret the time that I lost worrying and imagining the worst.
It’s easy to get caught up in fear, especially when death seems to be waiting in the next room.
I hope to live in the present.
Life is too short to spend my days worrying.
My days are numbered.
They always have been.
Lori Greer in Portland 
Lori
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I’m so happy that everything turned out well. Lori. You’ve been through so much!
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It seems to be the norm for even young children to worry about practically everything nowadays. That is very sad. They are destined for a miserable life unless we can find a way to instil a new sense of joy for life.
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I suppose everyone’s days are numbered. It’s just that we don’t want to know what the number is, or even close to it. I wish you many more cancer-free years, Lori.
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When my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer, I made the same mistake of Googling for more information, it only made me feel worse and more frightened
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Sooo glad the surgery was a success. So sorry you had to go through the fear. It is so easy to let fear overwhelm us! (((Hugs))) to you! ❤
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What a timely reminder ! My 2 time cancer survivor husband . Was told 2 Friday’s ago he now has lesions on his liver which look like another cancer.
Biopsy on Friday one week ago. Still no results . We are trying not to worry too much because we don’t know what we are worrying about yet . We’ve been down this road before ….. we will worry later if we have to but not now … now we rest and spend quiet time together and enjoy today .
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I share this journey and worry with you and KNOW throughout all the bowling balls in my own life including deaths and loss of loved ones there is one constant I Know Who holds my days and my life in His Hands. May you find beauty in each day of this life. Love F.
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It is a powerful journey Lori. And we all have that fear of death, just waiting in the background, bringing its head up occasionally with someone close. But one day I died, stopped breathing due to an allergic reaction to some medication and lay down on my kitchen floor. After the initial reaching out for something not there to save me, I stopped within myself and in that silence I just asked God’s forgiveness for all I had done. Not anything in particular but that I had given this life my best shot and please forgive for those errors we make in doing so. And He spoke to me, and said…”I am the giver of life!’…and so I ‘let go’, stopped fighting it, and just gave myself into His hands. And very slowly I began to breath again. And for that one experience I now trust what is to come, some time in the future for us all…and, and as you have said…we worry and stress all about it. And in your case all for nothing. And it will be for us at the end too, all for nothing because what is there is the most beautiful and profound place. There are no words to describe it…it is beyond just words. And we will have worked very hard down here to understand, through our conditional love, that beauty that unconditional love is. But, very glad to have you back kind lady. It is here that will give you a very deep appreciation of what up there truly is 😀❤️🙏
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Mark, Your words moved me to tears. Thank you for sharing your experience and your faith. Blessings, Lori
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I’m so glad you’re cancer free! Been there, done that [13 years ago], and I hope to live a great many years more. The one thing the fear taught me, for which I am very grateful, is that I/we must stop sleep-walking through life. We only get one, and it’s up to all of us to make the most of the gifts we’ve been given.
As the years roll by, I do tend to forget sometimes, but then the news will blast me with something awful – school children being massacred, war, famine, all the evils that humans are capable of inflicting on each other – and I remember how precious life truly is.
Yesterday I chatted to a young man who has a condition that may kill him by the time he’s 30. It’s so unfair, but as we chatted, I realised that he is living, truly living every moment, following his passions, being his best self. At the end of the day, he’ll probably get more living into his short life than most of us get after three-score and ten.
I know you don’t waste your life, but if there are things you want to do that are in the too hard basket, maybe this is your chance to /make/ them happen.
-massive hugs-
Meeks
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