The devil is one of my oldest companions.
When I was a lazy child my Mother would scold me,
“The devil finds work for idle hands!”
So, I dutifully skulked off to my room or anywhere out of her sight.
Or, I found something to do.
The Road to Hell
We all know that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Yet, here I am, in spite of to-do lists and the best of intentions, sitting around.
The light seems to have gone out of my life. *
I am in a play. I respond to people. I hear through a fog.
I try to be somewhat normal.
I don’t want to alarm people. I don’t want to be a “downer” on the conversation.
So, I take a deep breath and give each day, each hour my best shot.
It is exhausting.
Anticipatory grief refers to a grief reaction that occurs before an impending loss. Typically, the impending loss is a death of someone close due to illness but it can also be experienced by dying individuals themselves. Wikipedia
Each day I force myself to do things that help me cope with feelings of despair and helplessness.
~Make my bed.
~Shower & get dressed.
~Connect with others usually by email or sending a letter.
~Take on-line classes.
~Clean closets, sort belongings.
The devil does not find me idle.
He sees me moving slowly.
He hears me sighing often.
Grief in the Wings
I fight to keep despair in the closet.
I fight to keep my head above water.
My son, his sick wife and their baby need me.
Giving into grief seems indulgent.
Grief will have to wait.