While my daughter-in-law was fighting for her life, my life was on hold.
For over for three years.
I could not commit to anything.
I was always ready to help when needed.
Now that she has passed, I have the freedom to plan a trip, enroll in a course…fun things.
But, I have no energy and very little interest.
Life is out of focus.
I know that this will pass.
But, for now I am in the throes of making it through each day.
I am walking and walking and walking.
I am working at my job.
I do yoga most days.
I try to meditate but with little success so I listen to classical music.
I cook dishes that require lots of dicing and slicing.
I clean out closets and drawers.
I am treading water waiting for my energy to return.
Treading water doesn’t move me closer to shore but it beats sinking.
Am I treading or flailing about?
Note to self. Not very well-written. I will do better when my feet touch bottom and I can stumble to shore.
Lori Greer in Portland 
Dear Lori, your heart is just wanting to stop the pain. Flail about dear lady, in among that it has a little rest, and she needs it. Slowly she will hear the world again, when its time.
Big hugs…wherever it is needed ❤️
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It will come. Your life will refocus on goals you set. It just takes time.
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So beautifully written. And expressed.
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Lori you write so coherently, never think your words are not “well written”! I think many would echo “Treading [water] doesn’t move me closer to shore but it beats sinking” in their own lives, even though circumstances are different. People on the sidelines can pick and choose when they want to be in somebody’s shoes… but when it’s your own, you’ve just got to put them on and put one foot in front of another. Thinking of you. Hugs ❤
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Praying for your healing 🙏🏼
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There are a whole lot of us out here pulling for you. Even abject grief has boundaries. And BTW, Your writing is superb.
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Thank you. Hugs from Oregon.
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I’m so sorry for your loss, Lori. I understand the pain of losing a loved one. Everyone’s grieving process is different. Don’t be too hard on yourself.❤️
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This is very well written and exactly how one feels after such a long hard journey. Prayers for healing
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This calls for one of your less favourite phrases Lori – This too shall pass!
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You made me smile. Thank you!
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Be kind to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Trust yourself. Be patient… Allow thoughts, feelings, everything, to unfold at their own pace — don’t try to hurry anything, but don’t try to immobilize anything either. Trust yourself. (It deserves repetition.)
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Well expressed Lori. The ancient psalms evoke the same feelings of empathy and understanding in the ones who read. Folk like King David wrote always from how he was really feeling or even from the most bereft places in his heart where he was not feeling anything to really express at all. Express it live it, write it, walk it, shout it, but one day indeed …..this too shall pass. (thnks to Peter above),
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