An Optimist!

~Photo Lori Greer in Portland

Italy has been on my shortlist of places to since my return from Europe in 2016.

Not in 2017, my daughter-in-law was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer a few months after giving birth to her first child. 

Not in 2018, she was still fighting and I was caring for her and her baby.

Not in 2019, she was still fighting and I was caring for her and her toddler.  

She died in late 2019.  Continue reading “An Optimist!”

Little Girl in Distress

As I was walking out the door this morning for an 8:30 appointment, my phone rang.

It was my 3-year old granddaughter calling for a video chat.

Of course I took the call. I was prepared to be late or miss my appointment.

A minute later her sweet little face popped up on my screen. Continue reading “Little Girl in Distress”

Unknown blessings…

Give thanks for unknown blessings that are already on their way.  ~Native American prayer

Blessings I know about.

  1. The love of family.
  2. The love of friends both near and far.
  3. My sweet dog Ginny.
  4. My good health.
  5. My warm house.

The unknown blessings will be a joy unexpected.

~Photo Lisa Fotios/www.pexels.com~

 

 

At the end of another day

While  my daughter-in-law was fighting for her life, my life was on hold.

For over for three years.

I could not commit to anything.

I was always ready to help when needed.

Now that she has passed, I have the freedom to plan a trip, enroll in a course…fun things.

But, I have no energy and very little interest.

~Photo Keenan Constance, http://www.pexels.com~

 

Life is out of focus.

I know that this will pass.

But, for now I am in the throes of making it through each day.

I am walking and walking and walking.

I am working at my job.

I do yoga most days.

I try to meditate but with little success so I listen to classical music.

I cook dishes that require lots of dicing and slicing.

I clean out closets and drawers.

I am treading water waiting for my energy to return.

Treading water doesn’t move me closer to shore but it beats sinking.

Am I treading or flailing about?

Note to self. Not very well-written. I will do better when my feet touch bottom and I can stumble to shore.

I felt it shelter

I felt it shelter to speak to you.  ~Emily Dickinson

Thank you, my friends, for your kind and loving words at the death of my daughter-in-law.

I read them all and was comforted by them.

They were a shelter, a safe place to grieve.

Thank you for being with me.

 

Fall in Portland, Oregon    Photo Lori Greer in Portland

 

Traveling Mercies

 

That’s what priests say when a person is departing.

Continue reading “Traveling Mercies”

The Only Prayer

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.   Meister Eckhart 1260-1328  Christian Theologian

Continue reading “The Only Prayer”

An Encounter

There was a new nurse today at my doctor’s office.

She was young and eager to please.

She had trouble taking my blood pressure.

I didn’t mind, but she was flustered.

She succeeded the second time.

She was pleased, then puzzled and then upset to see me in tears…

Of course, it had nothing to do with her…

It’s just that she was young. Continue reading “An Encounter”

What we did not want…

 

~Foggy Lake Photo by Gabriela Palai/Pexel.com~

“When you are in the midst of a fog and can’t see the shoreline, you need a compass. Reach out to a trusted friend or adviser for perspective. People are not hard-wired to go it alone. They need others to survive and thrive.” — Edward T. Creagan, M.D.  Mayo Clinic

I am fighting the fog that has descended ever since my daughter-in-law entered hospice care a few days ago.

I am thankful to friends, family and neighbors who are helping me to bear the pain.

I grieve for her stuck down by this terrible disease at such a young age.

I grieve for her husband, my son, as he watches his family torn apart.

I grieve for their toddler who will not have her mother as she grows up.

There will be happiness again one day, but, for now, we are struggling to keep the shore in sight.

 

 

 

Help Me Out Here, Einstein

pexels-photo-37728.jpeg clouds help me out here einstein
~Photo https://www.pexels.com/~

When I consider that Nelson Mandela was imprisoned for over 24 years, I think what a long time that was.  It seems inconceivable.

When I consider that my husband died at 58 years it does not seem nearly long enough. A life cut short. Continue reading “Help Me Out Here, Einstein”