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Loneliness

“The quality of an individual’s life can really only be measured by that person. It is very easy to assume that living with illness becomes a burden, yet the elderly often accept their physical limitations, a price worth paying for living longer. Loneliness, many tell us, is a far harder burden than ill health, and this is a sadness hidden in plain sight, a modern epidemic.”. p302, With the End in Mind by Kathryn Mannix.

A “sadness hidden in plain sight”

I tend to self-isolate.

Routines, chores, work, often fill my days but are a poor substitute for human contact..

I blame my lifestyle somewhat on the pandemic.

I also blame my nature. I am an introvert.

Reading, writing and drawing make me happy.

I feel out of sorts if I don’t make time for these solitary activities.

I like my own company. **

The Golden Mean Meets the Checklist

Yet, I do like and need people. I love talking and sharing ideas and experiences.

I know that I operate better when I have a routine and a system.

Left to my own devices, I will grab a book rather than call a friend for a walk.

So to help me connect more, I compiled a checklist of easy “people activities”, virtual and in-person.

Easy Ways to Connect

  1. Visit the reading room at the library. I can read in solitude with others. Passive, but I am with people!
  2. Attend events at my church, adult center, library, gym.
  3. Participate in local VILLAGES* activities (TED talks, no-guilt book club, happy hour, walking groups).
  4. Call friends for walking dates.
  5. Schedule video chats with friends.
  6. ZOOM with my Fab Four friends every week
  7. Participate in classes and events at the Adult Center, Parks & Rec, local colleges, the art museum
  8. Invite friends for dinner, tea or happy hour.
  9. Connect more with my wonderful WordPress buddies, that means you!

Of course, in addition to myself, I must think of and respond to the needs of others especially lonely elders. Fortunately, that task is made easier by the many service, religious, and government organizations that provide a framework for interacting with seniors.

“How  we deal with the most vulnerable members of our society is a true test of our values. Having accepted their contribution to the public good during their working lives, how should we support these weary elders? How do we enable them to experience satisfaction and self-worth, not in return for making a contribution, but simply for being their unique selves?” p303, With the End in Mind by Kathryn Mannix.

*Villages or the Village Movement which supports seniors aging in place.

**Today as I write this, there are workers in my home going in and out of the front door and up and down the stairs. My house is in disarray. They are installing new carpet on two levels of the house. Long overdue! No solitude today or tomorrow!

Photo by Anastasia Shuraeva, http://www.pexels.com. I chose it because I like the idea of the woman opening her door with a welcoming smile.

Neutrality helps the oppressor…


“We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere. When human lives are endangered, when human dignity is in jeopardy, national borders and sensitivities become irrelevant. Wherever men and women are persecuted because of their race, religion, or political views, that place must – at that moment – become the center of the universe.” Elie Wiesel

~Mathias P. R. Reding Photo Pexels~

There but for the grace of God…

Before leaving my warm bed this morning, I turned up my thermostat, turned on my coffee pot and turned on soft music throughout the house.  All of this, thanks to my smartphone and smart home.  

Continue reading “There but for the grace of God…” →

On Illness and Dying

~I chose this phtoto because the empty table, the setting sun reminded me of the emptiness I felt when my Husband died. Pexel/Zen Chung

“People are not limited so much by their illness as by their attitude to  it. The illness may present physical challenges, but the emotional challenge is often far more important. Our human spirit may stumble as the path ahead appears too daunting, yet  with support and encouragement, our resilience can be re-enabled and used to find creative solutions. We are all individuals, and one person’s plan may not be a good fit for  another who, outwardly at least, appears to be in a similar situation. Enabling people to be architects of  their own solution is key to respecting their dignity. They are only in a new phase of life; they have not abdicated personhood.” *

Excerpt from With the End in Mind: Dying,  Death and Wisdom in an Age of Denial by Kathryn Mannix, MD,author, palliative care doctor for 30 years and Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) practitioner.

Why this book?

I heard Dr. Mannix on a CBC podcast ** and knew that I had to read her book.  Listening to her on the podcast and reading her book make me wish that I could sit down and talk with her in person. She seems kind and wise.

Instead, I read a chapter every morning. Her writing gives me much to think about as I recall deaths of my loved ones and contemplate the deaths that I will encounter in my family, friends, neighbors, and, of course, myself.

Some might think that reading about deaths would be depressing. Actually, I find it comforting. It gives me a framework for thinking and talking about the inevitable. ~Lori

*….They are only in a new phase of life; they have not abdicated personhood.” When my Husband was dying from cancer, he commented more than once, “I am still here!” He hated when his loved ones (including me) tried to shield him. He worked until about a week before he died…from his hospital bed. He was as active and engaged as his illness permitted until the end.

**”White Coat, Black Art” and “The Dose” CBC podcasts with Dr. Brian Goldman.

Yes!

Important Update Regarding Trading Russian Securities: 

Due to liquidity issues stemming from restrictions placed on all Russian securities (and not just those impacted by recent sanctions) by Schwab’s clearing agents, buy orders on Russian securities will not be accepted and sell orders will be attempted on a best efforts basis only.  This is a rapidly evolving situation and we will continue to provide updates…. Charles Schwab

Auf wiedersehen, Dilbar!

The Germans seized the super luxury yacht of sanctioned Russian billionaire Alisher Usmanov. At 512 feet in length, the Dilbar is one of the world’s largest yachts, complete with a swimming pool, a 30,000kw diesel-electric power plant, two helicopter pads, a sauna, a beauty salon, and a gym.

~Photo by Matti, Pexels.com~

Another kind of death

When my husband died, I became a ghost.

Continue reading “Another kind of death” →

A small victory

Another foggy cold morning.

The aroma of freshly brewed coffee enticed me from my warm bed.

It felt wonderful to enjoy a cup of hot coffee while sitting in front of the fire in my living room.   It was still dark outside and so quiet. 

A long leisurely morning was not in the cards as I had to leave early for the gym.

Driving there I noticed that my tire pressure readings were 32 per tire.  

I know very little about tire pressure but I was nervous because 35 is the recommended tire pressure.  I could just see me with a blow-out waiting for AAA on a really cold morning.  

Also, I had planned a quick jaunt down the freeway later in the morning so this had to be resolved before I left home again.  

Photo by u0412u043bu0430u0434u0438u043cu0438u0440 u0413u043bu0430u0434u043au043eu0432 on Pexels.com

At the gym my trainer worked me very hard as she was leaving for Japan for a couple of weeks.  This took my mind off the problem.

Back in the car, one tire pressure had risen to 33…some improvement.  Still, this was not enough to risk driving on the freeway. 

So, driving home from the gym, I stopped by the local Shell station.  As the attendant filled my tank, I asked her if she could help me put pressure in my tires.  A skill not in my repertoire!

Long story short, she was so gracious and helped me fill all of the tires.  I learned how to use the machine…easy peasy!   I was so grateful to her!  I felt so empowered!

This was a little victory that had a big impact on my day.  It was a joy to drive knowing that my tires were fully inflated!

~Photo from Pexels.com~ This is not me. I dressed in warm layers and sensible shoes on this cold day.

Ring the bells

“Ring the bells that still can ring,

Forget your perfect offering,

There’s a crack in everything,

That’s how the light gets in.”

Leonard Cohen, Canadian Singer/Songwriter, Poet, Novelist

Continue reading “Ring the bells” →

Happy Birthday Son

~Photo by Ben Mack, http://www.oceanfeels.com/pexels.com~

Today is my son’s birthday.

I could tell many stories about him but this is a favorite.

He joined a year-round swim team the summer he was 12. He suffered from asthma and was a wheezy, underweight kid. We thought it would be good for him. It turns out we were right. (Score one for the parents!) By the end of the summer his breathing was so much better and he was less dependent on his inhaler.

Also at the end of summer was his first meet and he was swimming a 500 for his team. This means swimming the length of the 25 yard pool 20 times. It is a marathon especially for a beginner.

His swimming was much better after taking lessons and practicing all summer. Even so, he was no match for kids who  had been in the program since kindergarten.

The 500 started and the other kids literally swam laps around him and the event was over. The official told him he did not have to finish if he didn’t want to.

The other kids were finished but he decided to stay in the pool and finish the job.

The other kids and the parents all waited while this lone swimmer, this little skinny kid, swam back and forth to complete 20 laps. He finished.

He exited the pool to applause and cheers.

He didn’t win any medals that day. but he was a champion.

The Long Game

~Photo by Josh Soreson (joshsorenson.com)

When I was a teenager I thought my parents did not know anything of consequence. 

In contrast, I knew everything.  

Ah, what a rude awakening life can be.  Continue reading “The Long Game” →